Isabelle's Birth Story

Finally!!! Sorry it has taken me so long to do this.... its quite hard to find time nowadays to do anything other than work and spend time with my baby girl. I'm not complaining! I absolutely love every minute I can have with her!

December 26, 2013

The best day of my entire life! However, it didn't start out so grand! Around 2am I woke up with what I thought was indigestion and some sort of stomach bug. I was up and down from the bed to the bathroom several times and felt like I couldn't breathe, eventually the pain just got out of hand and I couldn't handle it any longer. The worst pain was exactly where the Dr and Nurses explained it would be if I had preeclampsia. (Under my right breast) We found out later that it was my liver swelling. I woke up Daniel told him I couldn't take it anymore and that something was wrong. He jumped up took my blood pressure (212/120) and attempted to calm me down once I saw that number! I didn't even have the strength to get dressed, Daniel threw my robe over me and got me in the car. After running several red lights and passing a couple police officers at a high rate of speed we made it to the hospital, parked in the emergency lane backwards! I was put in a wheelchair and taken up to Labor and Delivery (after puking all over the elevator and myself!) After several failed attempts to get an IV in my arms and many blown veins they attempted to get my blood pressure under control with LOTS of meds. Nothing seemed to be working, my blood pressure was actually getting worse! (220/180) Dr. Bain eventually made an appearance and made sure to point out she didn't want to send us home, and this was exactly the reason.. I don't think I responded to her statement, however I made sure to let her know (and everyone else) that I couldn't breathe and to PLEASE make the pain stop. I also felt like I was ON FIRE from the magnesium they had me on but I didn't care I just wanted the pain to go away. Eventually I passed out for a few brief minutes and woke up with extreme pain  in my back and my lower abdomen. The nurses touched my belly and I screamed out in pain. They immediately ran to get the doctor whom came in and AGAIN touched my abdomen and I AGAIN screamed in extreme pain. At that moment I recall Dr Bain whispering "We can't wait any longer, I'm taking her.) From this point on things get quite fuzzy. Daniel was instructed to wash up and change into some scrubs and I'm freaking out wanting my Mommy! (It's pretty funny to me now but shheesh I was so so scared!) After a few minutes passed I was being wheeled to the OR and Daniel was having to wait outside while they got me ready. After 3 failed spinal block attempts they finally had me numb and got to cutting! At this point Daniel was still not in the room and I was not a happy camper! He was brought in immediately and all I remember after that was the Anesthesiologist telling me what was going on and when I was going to feel a bunch of pressure from them pushing the baby down. I'm pretty much out of it by now and hear the faintest little cry! I didn't comprehend that my baby girl had been born until Daniel said "Do you hear that?" and that's when the waterworks began! At 4:56am I heard her little cry and saw a quick zoom of a purple little baby run by me and a swarm of blue and green uniforms go after her. All I could do was stare in her direction hoping and waiting for a glimpse of my precious little girl! I asked constantly if she was ok and it took a while for me to get an answer. I understand they were trying to work on her but this Momma needed to know!! The NICU Neonatologist came over while they were putting me back together to let me know she would be transported to the NICU and that we would take her recovery day by day but that everything was going to be OK. I was so relieved but I still just wanted to see my baby girl! Right after that they brought her over and I gave her a kiss and told her I loved her! They put her in the transport incubator and off she went. After many tears were shed and I was wheeled to recovery Daniel headed to go check on Isabelle and I passed out. I was exhausted and I still wanted my Mommy, whom was on her way from Jacksonville. The rest of the day was a blur I was still on magnesium which I've had a lady compare it feeling as if you're on ACID which would explain why I barely remember anything after being wheeled to recovery!!

I am still very depressed about how everything had happened and how I did not get to enjoy the experience let alone REMEMBER all of it but I am so thankful for my baby girl. I love her so very much and would do it all over again!!

Isabelle is 2 months!

I can't believe my baby girl is already 2 months old!! Time is seriously flying by and I do not like it! 

Stats: 7lbs 8 oz 20.5 inches long!! She has officially doubled in weight! Yay!!

Clothing Sizes: Newborn clothes – Which we didn't buy much of not knowing how “big” she was going to be when she was originally supposed to be born. We've been rocking the same few outfits and PJ's for a few weeks now. We should be in 0-3 months soon though! She’s getting too long for the Newborn stuff.

Currently Eating: Booby Milk! Her Doctor suggested we try adding cereal to her milk to help with her reflux. We tried it twice. She HATES it and her poor tummy does not like it either, so we stopped. So far the Zantac the Doctor prescribed has been working well so we will just stick with that.

Sleeping Habits: She has started staying up for a while during the day. She gets really fussy in the evenings so we try to have her bedtime routine done by 7:30 or 8:00 so she can settle down and get some rest. She typically will sleep until 1 to 2 am and back up around 4 or 5 am.

New Words/Phrases: No words but she has started cooing! I love it!

Firsts and Milestones: She is still working on holding her head up! She has gotten so strong and can keep it up for quite some time!

Number of Teeth: None yet J

Signature Moves: Not sure if this is considered a “move” but she gets so excited when we let her float in the bath tub. We will just hold her head up and let her little body wiggle and squirm! It’s so cute! She absolutely hates being scrubbed though! She also cracks me up when she is staring at what looks like nothing and smiling and cooing but then again it’s kind of creepy. Lol.

Best Mommy Moment this month: Oh Gosh this is hard. I’m going to have to go with the first time she smiled at me! I still tear up every time she gives me a smile. She is so stinkin cute! I love her sooooo much!

Extended Hiatus - Postpartum Depression

I know its been a while since I've posted and it wasn't a planned hiatus however I realized I have not been myself since Isabelle came home from the NICU and I needed to focus on me and my family and feeling better.

As I mentioned above it all started when Isabelle came home from the NICU, I was sad all the time, constantly crying, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I felt so alone. I was a zombie. I just figured it was delayed baby blues and it would pass within a couple weeks. I was wrong. It got worse. Looking back and remembering that dark hole I was in, I feel like I should have been committed. After about 2 weeks of feeling like this I had major panic attack and hysterical crying session while my daughter slept peacefully in her crib I pleaded to God to please help me. I didn't know what to do, I just wanted to feel normal again. I was embarrassed about how I was feeling. I wanted to runaway. I didn't want the responsibilities of being a Mom, I wanted to take the easy way out. Right at that moment I was given the courage to call my doctor. PRAISE GOD! I knew this was not right and I did not truly want what I was thinking. After my visit and spilling the beans to him he diagnosed me with Postpartum Depression. He let me know that it was very common and he would have been surprised if I had not developed even just a low level  of depression from everything that we had been through with the birth and NICU stay. I was prescribed Zoloft and he suggested I see a counselor to express and talk about what I was feeling. I felt so relieved that there was hope and I could not wait to feel like me again and enjoy my baby girl!!

After about 3 days of taking the meds and talking to someone about how I was feeling I woke up and felt amazing! I thought for sure it was just a tease and I'd go back to feeling awful but I am proud and SO SO SO relieved to say that from that day on I have felt so much better and am enjoying every minute of my days with my little girl! She warms my heart and continuously keeps a smile on my face.

I honestly hate to admit all this and it has taken a lot of strength but I want everyone to know who may be going through the same thing that  IT WILL BE OKAY! Don't hide it, talk to your family, talk to your friends. Get help. Go see your doctor. You are not alone. It's not your fault and again everything will be OKAY.

I'm not allowing myself to stress over the little things so I may still take my time with my posts but I promise I will continue. I've got to finish Isabelle's birth story and my little sweet pea is 2 months ALREADY! Sheesh! Time is flying! Make it stop!