Extended Hiatus - Postpartum Depression

I know its been a while since I've posted and it wasn't a planned hiatus however I realized I have not been myself since Isabelle came home from the NICU and I needed to focus on me and my family and feeling better.

As I mentioned above it all started when Isabelle came home from the NICU, I was sad all the time, constantly crying, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I felt so alone. I was a zombie. I just figured it was delayed baby blues and it would pass within a couple weeks. I was wrong. It got worse. Looking back and remembering that dark hole I was in, I feel like I should have been committed. After about 2 weeks of feeling like this I had major panic attack and hysterical crying session while my daughter slept peacefully in her crib I pleaded to God to please help me. I didn't know what to do, I just wanted to feel normal again. I was embarrassed about how I was feeling. I wanted to runaway. I didn't want the responsibilities of being a Mom, I wanted to take the easy way out. Right at that moment I was given the courage to call my doctor. PRAISE GOD! I knew this was not right and I did not truly want what I was thinking. After my visit and spilling the beans to him he diagnosed me with Postpartum Depression. He let me know that it was very common and he would have been surprised if I had not developed even just a low level  of depression from everything that we had been through with the birth and NICU stay. I was prescribed Zoloft and he suggested I see a counselor to express and talk about what I was feeling. I felt so relieved that there was hope and I could not wait to feel like me again and enjoy my baby girl!!

After about 3 days of taking the meds and talking to someone about how I was feeling I woke up and felt amazing! I thought for sure it was just a tease and I'd go back to feeling awful but I am proud and SO SO SO relieved to say that from that day on I have felt so much better and am enjoying every minute of my days with my little girl! She warms my heart and continuously keeps a smile on my face.

I honestly hate to admit all this and it has taken a lot of strength but I want everyone to know who may be going through the same thing that  IT WILL BE OKAY! Don't hide it, talk to your family, talk to your friends. Get help. Go see your doctor. You are not alone. It's not your fault and again everything will be OKAY.

I'm not allowing myself to stress over the little things so I may still take my time with my posts but I promise I will continue. I've got to finish Isabelle's birth story and my little sweet pea is 2 months ALREADY! Sheesh! Time is flying! Make it stop!